Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
