He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
