you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
