Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
