he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
