Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
