she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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