i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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