Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
