I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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