Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize