i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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