I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
