Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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