youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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