In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
