About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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