drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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