when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
