hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
