Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize