I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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