Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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