I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
