Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
