roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
