I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
