pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
