I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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