Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
