I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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