i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
