how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
