how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So. Much. Porn.
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