I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize