ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
