so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
