Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
