Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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