oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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