oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
