Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize