Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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