Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize