fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
