Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
