She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
