I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
As shirtless as possible
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
