I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
