Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize