I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize