I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
