Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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