Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
did i just pee glitter
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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