She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
