I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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