my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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