Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
