I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
