About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
