Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
