problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize