party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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