she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love accidental penises.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
