So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
