there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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