And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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