Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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