Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Farmville is her only friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
