I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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