The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
