I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
